last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
