I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
