I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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