She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
