I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
