At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
