Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
