who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
