I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
