I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
