So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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