no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
