did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
