i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
