I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
