youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
