I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
