i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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