you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
