Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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