I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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