You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
