"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
