i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
