problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
