hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
