nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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