He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
