Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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