I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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