My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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