I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
