So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
