what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she peed on how many people?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
