I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
