So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
