So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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