I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
