i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
