haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
