Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
