You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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