I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
