i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
