woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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