there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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