Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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