Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
