The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
