You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
