In the future we'll all be gay
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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