Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
